Ok... I'm just going to say it. That shirt that I think is really cute... it really IS f-ing adorable. But I.... I am not.
Or at least, not in the way that the shirt needs me to be.
And that's ok! Because I'm more of the elegant, dark and brooding type of cute, and I pull it off well.
The Unfortunate Truth
Not everyone can be a runway model or pull off a tube top or a muscle shirt. And I wouldn't enjoy a fashion world where everyone fits the same anyway. I like my style options coming anywhere from Billie Eilish to Sam Smith.
We all have a look and a body type to work with, and that's what makes us unique. But we also have to accept something - wearing that hello kitty sweater only makes you look cute if you are already THAT kind of cute, otherwise there is a big possibility that it just comes off as unaware.
*(hold up for a sec. I just want to clarify that if you wear something simply because you like it~ you absolutely keep doing you. That's awesome, and I am happy that you exist as you are <3 )
Ok, it was a niche target, but the same can be said for crocs, jorts, bodycons, and flannel. I understand that sometimes we want to represent the things we love or look like our favorite queen, king or monarch. It's so validating to finally be wearing something that is truly aligned with how we feel.
But unfortunately, and especially for those of us playing with gender expression, our body types do not always cooperate. And even more unfortunately, wearing clothing made for others can actually emphasize the incongruity.
But here's the exciting part: you can find clothes with other interesting shapes, sizes and colors that actually work with you. They may not be the broad-shouldered suit or the prom dress that you've always dreamed of, but these style combinations will not only belong exclusively to you, they can also more effectively bring out whichever look you are trying to achieve - elegant, fair, sturdy, or indecipherable.
But to achieve that, you have really have to accept your body and work with it.
Tales from the Wild
I have a non-binary acquaintance who was trying to play around with their wardrobe, and one day was putting together a crop top fit. Now, this is a look that is usually reserved for the fit and for the summer, but I can say they def had the body to pull it off.
However, they felt something was awry. Specifically, they thought it made them look too masculine.
The crop itself was fine, but it was pretty clear what was going on. They were wearing boy-jeans, which typically hang (pretty unflatteringly) at the hip bone. And this in turn, when matched with the crop, was accenting the love handles that masculine bodies tend to produce. Without the curve, the crop was unfortunately showing a very masculine trait of someone who wanted to appear more neutral.
There are many ways to avoid or ignore this problem. But one simple solution was just to switch out the standard jeans for high waisted ones that go up to the belly button and mask the shape of the waist, creating a slight curve that could be read as either masc or fem.
You Control How It Looks
There are lots examples as above. And unfortunately, mismatched clothing can not transfer its vibes to our bodies. But the point is, there are good looking clothes for people of all shapes and sizes. And just like we may reject gender norms, we can also say reject the traditional ideas of what's "cute", "pretty", "butch", etc. and forge our own path by making new outfit combos and wearing things in a different way than the norm.
In other words, you can still be cute if you want, but it's you who gets to decide how you pull it off, not a certain shirt. (even if it was reaaaaly cute <3 )
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